Fundagelical Watch

Monday, September 26, 2005

The Spiritual Blame Game, Week 3

All of this week's hurricane blame game news came from evangelist Mario Murillo. On last Thursday night's "Praise the Lord" (TBN) Murillo assured us that "God hasn't left America, but we have depleted the divine ozone layer. That's what's going on. Things that never used to get through are getting through now." How are we poking holes in the "divine ozone layer?" Murillo cited abortion ("We do abortions in a way that would make Hitler blush."), gay marriage and gangs in Los Angeles--really. He also noted that "we've erased God" from public schools, buldings and courts.

With Mario's contributions, the running totals are as follows:

Israeli evacuation of Gaza settlements----4
unspecified divisions within the church--1
gangs in L.A.----1
erasing God from public places---1
girls gone wild------1
man-on-horse sex-----1

And my new personal favorite, edging out man-on-horse sex by a nose, as it were:

depletion of the divine ozone layer---1

Reminder: This is a faith-based scientific poll based on whatever I happen to see.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Quote of the Week

"Who knows what goes on in George Bush's mind."

Pat Robertson
700 Club

Monday, September 19, 2005

The Spiritual Blame Game, Week 2

It's time for the weekly Spiritual Blame Game update. Pat Boone, Pat Robertson and Dwight Thompson all blamed Hurricane Katrina on American policy allowing/pressuring Israel to evacuate the Gaza settlements. So, the big news is that Israeli evacuation of the Gaza settlements is now tied for first with gays in the running total. When something is as bad as homosexuality, it's REALLY serious business.

The results, combining weeks 1 & 2, are as follows:

Israeli evacuation of Gaza settlements--------4
abortion clinics--------2
unspecified division within the church--------1
girls gone wild---------1
man-on-horse sex--------1

Remember, this is a faith-based scientific poll (based on whatever I happen to see).

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Editorial Decision

I've decided to leave up my webmistress wife's last post. It's a refreshing break and explains what little sanity I have left after 16 years teaching at that same Christian college where she was a student.

test post to be deleted

I am testing
block quotes to see if it will break the text the way I want. I don't want it to add breaks. Sweet Sassy Molassy 60 minutes has born again virgin teens. Most of the ones I knew when I was at a Christian college were humping more than the honest non virgins. Oh my holy sh*t. This is the webmaster, not Robert Kemp.

Now lets see what this will do.

Sekulow a Sucker?

Pat Robertson worried aloud on The 700 Club Friday that, despite Jay Sekulow's gung ho campaign for Judge John Robert's confirmation as Chief Justice, Roberts might be another David Souter. He has reason to worry.

Sekulow, of course, heads up one of Robertson's favorite creations, the American Center for Law and Justice, or ACLJ (get it? ACLJ). Early on the White House enlisted Sekulow to convince the Christian Right to go all out for Roberts. And that Jay has done with all the fundagelical fervor he can muster. Last Friday night he hosted a two-hour primetime special on TBN plugging Roberts' confirmation. Practically glowing with self imprtance, he trotted several Republican senators and congressmen and two former attorneys general (Ashcroft and Meese) across the stage. All drove home the same message: This is a pivotal moment in American history, and John Roberts will move the Court dramatically to the Right.

I have to say, however, that I seem to remember Ronald Reagan using Jerry Falwell in much the same way when he nominated Sandra Day O'Connor. That didn't work out so well for the fundies.

One of the few pieces of solid information about Roberts to come out of the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings this past week is that Roberts is a great admirer of Supreme Court Justice Robert Jackson (1941-1954). Jackson authored the majority (6-3) opinion in the 1943 case of West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette, in which the Court ruled unconstitutional West Virginia's requirement that Jehovah's Witness children salute the flag, and thus violate their religion, or face expulsion from school. He wrote the following:

If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein. If there are any circumstances which permit an exception, they do not now occur to us.

Uh oh.

When he appointed Justice Jackson Chief Prosecutor for the United States at the Nuremberg Trials, Harry Truman knew what he was doing. I'm not sure Jay Sekulow does.

Pat Boone Scares Us All

Pat Boone has a new career--foreign policy analyst. Last Thursday night, evangelist Dwight Thompson hosted a Trinity Broadcasting Network panel discussion on the meaning of Hurricane Katrina. Boone used the occasion to blame the storm on Bush foreign policy.

We need to heed God's promise to Abraham that "Those who bless you, Israel, will be blessed; those who curse you will be cursed." I didn't say that. If I could change that, I might. But God said it. And He hasn't changed His mind. We need to bless and stand with Israel. And as nine, almost ten thousand people were dispaced in the Gaza Strip, the next day Katrina hit Mississippi and Lousiana and 330,000 Americans were displaced. Now maybe there's no connection. Heh heh. Many people think there is a connection between our standing with Israel and how we do as a nation. 'Cause He said, "Those who bless Israel, your seed and your descendants, Abraham, I will bless. Those who curse you, look out." And He hasn't changed His mind. At least I haven't heard lately, if He has.
Thompson immediately chimed in.

The greatest thing the United States of America can do in its history now and forever will always be the big brother and the strong arm that protects the nation of Israel. The day we take our hand off of Israel to protect it is the day that you can count on it's not going to be a good day. You're right.
Boone, of course, is still trying to redeem himself with the fundagelicals, who are still suspicious of him for wearing leather pants, leather vest, fake tatoos and a studded dog collar to the 1997 American Music Awards to accept an award for his "Pat Boone in a Metal Mood--No More Mr. Nice Guy." He thought he was being funny. How can you run with these people for forty years and not know that they have less of a sense of humor than a Stalinist commissar?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Robertson: Bushies Late to Their Own Party

After calling relief efforts in the wake of Hurricane Katrina a "party," Pat Robertson revealed today that the party had, in fact, been organized by the Bush administration. This morning on "The 700 Club," Robertson was clearly miffed by criticism of efforts to help the gulf states. "We had a terrible disaster," he acknowledged, "and this great country was a couple days late getting to the party. But believe you me we're there now with armies of compassion reaching out to people, and this will turn out to be one of America's finest hours."

A few moments later, after a segment on Israeli evacuation of Gaza settlements, Robertson linked Katrina to American policy toward Israel. "The United States is forcing them. I think we should take warning for what happened with Katrina. There are many people in this country who look at prophecy and who link directly natural disasters to America with actions of America against Israel. This pullout from Gaza was orchestrated and pushed by the [Bush] administration."

Regardless of whether this turns out to be one of America's finest hours, there are early indications that it might be one of Pat Robertson's finest hours. For those wondering why a great spiritual leader would call hurricane disaster relief a "party," please read Max Blumenthal's excellent article in The Nation. As it turns out, Robertson's own army of compassion, Operation Blessing, got a special invitation to the party.

For those of you keeping score in the Spiritual Blame Game, please note that the Bush administration now has one vote and is currently tied with girls gone wild and man-on-horse sex.

Monday, September 12, 2005

The Spiritual Blame Game

The Fundagelical Right is already hard at work identifying the spiritual causes of Hurricane Katrina's destruction of New Orleans. I am conducting a faith-based scientific poll (whatever I happen to come across) and over the next few weeks will be providing a running total of the most likely suspects.

Here's the first installment:

On TBN's "Praise the Lord" Friday night, a panel discussion conducted by Pastor Richard Hogue of City Church, Oklahoma City, which included Tommy Tenney of GodChasers and "prophet" Kim Clement, blamed gays, witches and an unspecified division within the church. Clement claims to have prophesied New Orleans' fate several weeks ago.

Rick Scarborough of Vision America identified gay marriage, Israel's withdrawal from Gaza settlements, and the inability of the state of Washington to prosecute under current statutes people who have sex with horses.

With Texas Governor Rick Perry in attendance, The Reverend Dwight McKissic of Conrnerstone Baptist Church in Arlinglton told a Texas Restoration Project gathering that homosexuality (especially the annual New Orleans six-day "Southern Decadence" gay pride festival) and devil worship were to blame. He also noted that "girls go wild in New Oreans."

The Reverend Bill Shanks of New Covenant Fellowship of New Orleans identified abortion clinics (also fingered by Columbia, S.C. Christians for Life), Mardi Gras, the "Southern Decadence" gay pride parade and witches.

In the Los Angeles Times, Dennis Pager cited the New Orleans murder rate and political corruption.

Last week Pat Robertson said that, as the Senate Judiciary Committee begins its hearings, John Roberts "can maybe, you know, be thankful that a tragedy has brought him some good," because "the focus of America's going to be on these victims." Robertson didn't exactly say that God sent Katrina for that reason, but it's close enough and I'm including it anyway. Also, in fairness, Prager said that it would be "constructive" if the people of New Oreans interpreted the hurricane as punishment for murder and political corruption. But again, close enough. (I realize that Prager is Jewish, but I classify him as a fundagelical because he actually seems to think that he'd survive if these guys took over.)

To summarize,

Spiritual Blame Game Score as of 9/12/05
gays----4 (no surprise here)
abortion clinics----2
Mardi Gras----1
corruption (read Democrats)----1
unspecified division within the church----1
Senate Judiciary Committee (again, Democrats)----1
girls gone wild----1
man on horse sex----1

Two items of interest regarding the Texas Restoration Project event.
1. Some secular humanists have suggested that the TRP, which wants to register 300,000 new fundagelical voters in Texas, is a tool of Governor Perry's re-election campaign. I'm sure that's not the case.
2. Rev. Laurence White of Houston's Our Savior Lutheran Church (LCMS), TRP chairman, told reporters that Rev. McKissic's remarks did not reflect the TRP position. Those remarks probably do, however, reflect Pastor White's position. He is National Co-Chariman, along with Rick Scarborough, of Vision America. Either that or White and Scarborough need to get on the same page (other than Vision America's webpage).

Friday, September 09, 2005

Breaking News: Seder Really Christian Ritual

Antisemitism has always been the Christian Right's dirty little secret. From the founding generation of Gerald B. Winrod and Gerald L.K. Smith, to Pat Robertson's obsession with the Jewish Illuminati (See his 1991 New World Order), to Herman Otten's holocaust denial in the Christian News, the Christian Right has always been profoundly antisemitic. Winrod and Smith were blatantly explicit , but now the Christian Right hides its antisemitism behind the camouflage of support for Israel. Occasionally, however, it pops up in the strangest ways.

Yesterday, on his daily television program airing on the Trinity Broadcasting Network, John Hagee of Cornerstone Church in San Antonio, instructed his congregation as follows:

"Let's talk about this meal. It's called the Seder, the Passover Meal. It began in the Book of Exodus and 6,000 years later is still being executed in every Jewish home that is observant of the law of Moses. Three pieces of unleavened bread were brought to the table. These three pieces are the symbol of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. The piece that was in the middle, representing the Son, was broken in half, and being broken was then taken and placed in a napkin. And the mother would place it in the napkin and then hide it somewhere in the home. And, after the meal, the child who found it was given a very, very special gift, something even better than they would get at Christmas. Now, this is filled with typology of Christ."

This is disturbing on so many levels, but I'll limit my comments to two things:

1. How could Passover have been celebrated 6,000 years ago in 4000 B.C.E., not only over 2500 years before Moses but about 2000 years before Abraham began the migration from Ur? I guess that's faith-based history, or faith-based math, or both.

2. I acknowledge that I was born and raised rural poor white trash Protestant, but I have been invited to a few seders and I missed that Father, Son and Holy Ghost/typology of Christ thing.

Hagee has a history of injecting Illuminati/Jewish bankers stuff into his sermons, but this is something different. You've heard of cultural genocide? This is it. You can't convert them, the political correctness nazis won't let you tell the truth about how they run the world, so you simply proclaim that their religion is really yours. You unilaterally annex them. Problem solved.